A: The saying that Islam promotes such a bad manner is in reality untrue. In a hadith by Prophet Muhammad s.a.w, he said; “Don’t you beat up women!”, while in another hadith he further explained that the best men or husbands are those who act good to their wives. And indeed it’s true that there is a verse in the Quran that allows a husband to hit his wife. But have a look again; what kind of wife deserves such a treatment? In what kind of situation? And how is the action being done? The verse is in Surah An-Nisa’, verse 34.
"Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand."
Therefore husbands are allowed to hit their wives just if their wives appear to show nusyuz characteristics. Nusyuz means the actions or behaviors of a wife which are deemed unpleasant or unlikable by her husband. In Islam a husband and a wife are like two souls in one body. Both are expected to always take care, respect, cherish, love, occupy, value and be responsible to each other. A nusyuz wife is the one who no longer respects, loves, takes care and honours her husband. A wife who is no longer committed to her marriage.
When a husband saw his wife budding signs of nusyuz which little by little worsen the nuptial relationship, the Quran guides the husband on how to react to prick the bubble and bring his wife back into the family in an aim to save the marriage. There’re 3 stages indicated in the verse for our guidance:
Stage 1 Give advices nicely to the wife using fine words and utterances that could touch her deep to her heart. It’s with strong hope that she will realize the mistakes she had done so that she’ll return to the right path before going too far where there’s no turning back. Harsh words are definitely not allowed as Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. referred those words as being more hurtful than a sword being stabbed into the flesh. If advices did not bring any value to the attempt, the husband may only then proceed to the second stage.
Stage 2 The husband may avoid himself from sleeping in the same place as his wife so that she will grasp the gaffe she had done. A wife whom sincerely loves her husband would really feel that there’s something going on when her husband refuses to sleep together. With this psychological way of rectifying hopefully the marriage can be saved back to how it should ideally be.
Stage 3 If the wife still plays stubborn the last resort lies in stage 3 which is by bland hitting. It may be that her soul had been concealed by the worldly lust until she turned down the two methods tried previously. This stage is the most controversial part as people are not aware of the correct way of hitting defined by Islam. The hitting must not be done hastily but instead with compliance to some strict rules drawn by Islam. They are:
* Have attempted the first two methods but to no avail. The husband cannot simply go by hitting when his wife makes a mistake as this type of attitude doesn’t imply the teachings of Islam.
* The wife’s face must be left untouched for the face plays an important role for a human being. Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. restrained us from hitting the face.
* The hitting must not be hurtful. Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. mentioned
“Give taqwa to Allah in women’s problems (wives). They are those who help you. You have rights over them, i.e. they shouldn’t bring those men that you despise to your bed. If they did so, you could hit them without hurting them (ghairu mubrah). And you have the obligation upon them which is giving them rezki (~funding) and nice clothes.”
The scholars interpret the criteria of ghairu mubah or ‘not hurtful’ as does not leave any trace, crack the bone nor done on a part of the body which may harm the wife
Therefore this clearly shows that to simply say that Islam promotes husbands to hit their wives is apparently an understatement. Islam is a noble religion where every of its teachings is a solution not intending to make things worse. As for this matter certain criteria must be conformed to before a hitting takes place. It is Islam’s unique yet effective way of trying to save a marriage in order to ensure that the welfare of those in the family is protected seeing that divorces bring about a handful of misery particularly to the children.
“Ayat-ayat Cinta” by Habiburrahman El-Shirazy, pg. 103-107, March 2007 Edition (
[A humble attempt of translating a part of “Verses of Attraction” from Malay to English. Apologies for inaccuracies and perhaps some add-ons or take-outs. However I’ve tried my best to stick to the main context. Hope this entry is useful to all. Critics are welcomed with opened arms.]
